This is a very hard topic to talk about these days .most people will only categorise abuse as sexual, They often forget physical , physcological , and emotional abuse have effects on others as well.
Just because someone looks fine, or acts fine , doesnt mean they are fine . Fake it till you make it is just a method to get through this not either escalate the problem , or to get your mind away from the issue and try your best to continue your life in a postive view of life.
Maybe its not always in the case , but i can say a good percent holds it like that .
The thing that breaks my heart as an advocate to stop domestic violence, is that people dont notice what is happening . They will think the other person because they arent showing signs of breakdowns or obvious mental illness or a mood disorder they cant be facing it .
Sometimes that coworker making jokes or your boss who brings refreshments every morning can being through hell.
They just dont want to draw attention to themselves and the problem in a light and everyone will know .
We are though most in denial, we are constitently in anxiety wondering what if how about , i dont know i dont know whats going to happen next. You shouldnt be ashamed to seek help , i know its hard but one day youll get out of it .
So the most uncommon signs of Domestic abuse are :
- Outbursts of emotional roundbouts (crying , getting angry ) seemingly to you triggered by nothing . or you found them in private crying and they tell you theyre fine , but never make eye contact with you . Eyes always potray a bit of emotion remember that.
2. Self depreciating humor ( Most people dont think anything of this , but this one is a key factor , they will bring them things as a joke , but if its done consistently you should be worried espically if they sound particicular dark ” i cant do anything if i tried “.
3. Dry laughs and wandering eyes / lost thoughts . They dont seem that much into laughing at something and they seem distracted and lost in thoughts but wont tell you and they shift topics and will ramble into to something else . It almost like you asked them .
4. The quiet aura / silience that wants to speak
the thing about quiet aura is that sometimes these people could just be introverts thats okay, but sometimes they will give you an air something has happened to them to make them like this , and the air will feel tense almost like someone wants . to speak but doesn’t. If you feel that way in your gut, please dont ignore this feeling.
4.Feeling uncomfortable when people touch them in specific spot (arm , hand , shoulder , pat on the head ) , and kind of shrink under touch ( this one is tricky but if they seem tense and usually if they avoid contact, and relax back afterward it could be they dont like being touched but if they seemed tense and anxious you should be worried “.
5. Shutdowns /internal flashbacks . Have you had a friend start talking about something and theyve stopped midsentence. Not because they lost train of thought , for some reason they just couldnt continue what they were gonna say. And they go just never mind and walk away from the conversation.
Theres not outpour of feeling its just a complete halt. Chances are they were telling something about their lives and it triggered a memory of a past abuse situation, and they are just stuck in the middle remembering it .
6. Refusing to go a certain place/ or feeling uncomfortable in a certain place without telling you / puts them in panic, or a certain state of emotion that wont be easy to define.
Most people will feel uncomfortable telling you what has happened. Thats normal but when you develop unexplained fears for a certain place due to trauma thats when you want to avoid things . anything that reminds you can make you feel like its happening in that split second all over again.
7. Never talking about x/y person in their life, and youre aware x/y is in their life at one point to another .
We all have people in our life we dont talk to anymore,thats fine, people grow apart . but there are some people from a general point of view we feel the need to mention like our grandparents , our parents, our spouses , our boyfriends ,our girlfriends ,your friends ,colleagues, etc. If you never bring them up once , because of traumiatic events they dont want to be reminded of a certain person and will only ever bring them up when they feel its related in a civil sense. “yeah, my dad liked gardening ” and youll ask oh i never heard you talk about your dad. I noticed people have a specific look on their face as they say this . its almost they dont want to continue this with you, kind of like an please stay where you are demeanor .
that there is a clear sign if the conversation stops there .
8. Seems hostile towards a certain manner of speaking / actions you do/ or act passive agressive when you do .
Often you have someone that reminds you of abuser. They could mean it , but most often then not people dont always realize their manner of speech mimics their abuser. And people will get very upset or irrationally sensitive to you. But they are doing that becuase they link your behaviour with past events becuase of similarity factors even though you could different people . Dont take this one for granted .This one is very important and is crucial you ask the person face to face if it upset them. Otherwise , you might be pushing them over the edge about something and not know it .
now the signs of sucide :
- No talk of the future, i dont mean like i dont know what im going to do way but they never answer out your question in general. They live in the present and focus of something in a optmistic manor hovering around the fact you were inquiring ( linked to the point three )
2. They talk about death not in an upset manor, but rather in a lonely manner . People often over look the fact people want to die is because sometimes theyve been so isloated or feel so far reomved from the rest of us because of their abusers they want a peace but cans seem to find it with anyone.
3. They inquire a lot about how life would be if they left .
4. online venting .things they wouldnt say to you / or anyone via reality . Like those super sad posts or triggering photos that people would often just assume were art pieces and caption it something related to their life ( me ) ( i feel this way ) ( no one cares ) ( i wish that someone would … .) ( whyd you have to go ? ) ( whats wrong with me ? ) ( you left me in pieces )
5. They get drop thoughts every once and awhile /hints .
Often we take peoples hints with a grain of salt simply because we dont want to imagine they are going through something that will take their life, or we thought nothing was genuinely wrong with to begin with. Thats where we need to stop love. They drop hints , hints we . dismiss as a bad day, or a rough time, or someone being negative, or was just an opinon or comment. They tell you have they dreams in the long run, and will tell you its changed, and they dont know if they can continue them anymore . It sounds like discouragement , but beleive me you can tell when its something more. “Or too long i wont be around anymore,” they will cover it up , and at times their thoughts just come tumbling out .
Overall here are some numbers you can call love,
and i hope everything in your life changes for the best , you have so much potential to live for and i believe you do great things so please stay alive safe and healthy ❤
ontairo : 416-670-4869
New york : 212 -532-2400
national sucide hotline : 1-800-273-8255
national domestic violence :512-685-6928/1-800-799-7233
Rape crisis :800-656-4673
you are loved .